VERMONT SECESSION: ONE LIKELY D.C. RESPONSE – Commentary by Steve Scroggins
The Monpelier-Barre Times Argus recently (11/16/03)
published an article on
Thomas Naylor's Vermont Manifesto.
I proudly note that Naylor is a native Southerner. But it must also be noted that many of the Secessionist
movements in American history began in New England (1803, 1811, 1815, 1845).
As we Southerners have learned the hard way, the Montpelier legislature should be
wary of any sudden declarations of sovereignty as it could precipitate the following proclamation from the President
of the United States. After all, since the Constitution was converted to a "Living Document" in the 1860's, the
words don't really mean what they say on paper. In reality, Vermont is not truly a sovereign "State" but is
rather a province of the American Empire.
A DECLARATION FROM THE PRESIDENT
It has come to my attention that Vermont intends to depart the Union. I declare Vermont
in rebellion! I am requesting the Governors of the states to muster armies which are to proceed to Vermont and
invade it. I am dispatching federal troops to surround Montpelier and place it under siege. Upon capture, the city
is to be burned to the ground. Federal commanders shall torch other Vermont cities and towns as they see fit.
I, George W. Bush, do further declare, that because the people of Vermont have
perpetrated this brazen treason, all their rights are forthwith revoked. Of course, if any Vermont resident
disavows his state's dastardly decision, and swears an oath of loyalty to the federal government, his rights
shall be restored. Such cases excepted, federal soldiers should feel free to loot any Vermont home or barn. Crops
not seized for army provisions should be destroyed without regards to the needs of the rebels and their families.
After all, war is hell.
And to citizens of other states, take warning! Consorting with the Vermont rebels
will not be tolerated. It has come to my attention, in fact, that certain leaders and legislators in New Hampshire
and Maine have expressed sympathy for their cause! I am ordering federal troops to round up these "border state"
turncoats. They will be jailed without hearings. I hereby revoke the right of habeas corpus accorded under the
Constitution which has really been inconvenient since the War on Terror began. In times as these, suspicion alone
shall be suitable cause for imprisonment.
We could really care less what happens to Vermont, but we cannot allow unpatriotic
rebels in Vermont to endanger the United States revenue stream by giving other states ideas. Accordingly, we asked
ourselves, what should a President from the Party of Lincoln do? The answer was clear.
George W. Bush
President of the
United States
**With apologies to James Perloff; this presidential proclamation was adapted from
Perloff's Yankee Apology published in the second quarter issue of The Southern Partisan in 1997.
Steve Scroggins
is Adjutant of the Lt. James T. Woodward Camp 1399, Sons of Confederate
Veterans, in Warner Robins, GA and a frequent GHC contributor of parody
and political cartoons and graphics.
EMAIL THIS
PRINT THIS
